What can people do to diminish prejudice and discrimination against lesbian, gay, and bisexual people?

Lesbian, gay, and bisexual people who want to help reduce prejudice and discrimination can be open about their sexual orientation, even as they take necessary precautions to be as safe as possible. They can examine their own belief systems for the presence of antigay stereotypes. They can make use of the lesbian, gay, and bisexual community—as well as supportive heterosexual people—for support. Heterosexual people who wish to help reduce prejudice and discrimination can examine their own response to antigay stereotypes and prejudice. They can make a point of coming to know lesbian, gay, and bisexual people, and they can work with lesbian, gay, and bisexual individuals and communities to combat prejudice and discrimination. Heterosexual individuals are often in a good position to ask other heterosexual people to consider the prejudicial or discriminatory nature of their beliefs and actions. Heterosexual allies can encourage nondiscrimination policies that include sexual orientation. They can work to make coming out safe. When lesbians, gay men, and bisexual people feel free to make public their sexual orientation, heterosexuals are given an opportunity to have personal contact with openly gay people and to perceive them as individuals. Studies of prejudice, including prejudice against gay people, consistently show that prejudice declines when members of the majority group interact with members of a minority group. In keeping with this general pattern, one of the most powerful influences on heterosexuals’ acceptance of gay people is having personal contact with an openly gay person. Antigay attitudes are far less common among members of the population who have a close friend or family member who is lesbian or gay, especially if the gay person has directly come out to the heterosexual person.

Can lesbians and gay men be good parents?

Many lesbians and gay men are parents; others wish to be parents. 

In the 2000 U.S. Census, 33% of female same-sex couple households and 22% of male same-sex couple households reported at least one child under the age of 18 living in the home. Although comparable data are not available, many single lesbians and gay men are also parents, and many same-sex couples are part-time parents to children whose primary residence is elsewhere. As the social visibility and legal status of lesbian and gay parents have increased, some people have raised concerns about the well-being of children in these families. Most of these questions are based on negative stereotypes about lesbians and gay men. The majority of research on this topic asks whether children raised by lesbian and gay parents are at a disadvantage when compared to children raised by heterosexual parents. The most common questions and answers 

to them are these:

Do children of lesbian and gay parents have more problems with sexual identity than do children of heterosexual parents? For instance, do these children develop problems in gender identity and/or in gender role behavior? The answer from research is clear: sexual and gender identities (including gender identity, gender-role behavior, and sexual orientation) develop in much the same way among children of lesbian mothers as they do among children of heterosexual parents. Few studies are available regarding children of gay fathers. Do children raised by lesbian or gay parents have problems in personal development in areas other than sexual identity? For example, are the children of lesbian or gay parents more vulnerable to mental breakdown, do they have more behavior problems, or are they less psychologically healthy than other children? Again, studies of personality, self-concept, and behavior problems show few differences between children of lesbian mothers and children of heterosexual parents. Few studies are available regarding children of gay fathers. Are children of lesbian and gay parents likely to have problems with social relationships? For example, will they be teased or otherwise mistreated by their peers? Once more, evidence indicates that children of lesbian and gay parents have normal social relationships with their peers and adults. The picture that emerges from this research shows that children of gay and lesbian parents enjoy a social life that is typical of their age group in terms of involvement with peers, parents, family members, and friends. Are these children more likely to be sexually abused by a parent or by a parent’s friends or acquaintances? There is no scientific support for fears about children of lesbian or gay parents being sexually abused by their parents or their parents’ gay, lesbian, or bisexual friends or acquaintances. In summary, social science has shown that the concerns often raised about children of lesbian and gay parents—concerns that are generally grounded in prejudice against and stereotypes about gay people—are unfounded. Overall, the research indicates that the children of lesbian and gay parents do not differ markedly from the children of heterosexual parents in their 

development, adjustment, or overall well-being

CAN I HAVE A FAMILY OF MY OWN

THE SHORT ANSWER: Yes. Many gay people hold wedding ceremonies to celebrate their commitment to each other and to share their relationship with family and friends. While only a few religions, and no states, perform or witness these ceremonies, attitudes are beginning to change. More and more companies, such as Apple Computer, now treat gay partners like any other married couples, and provide health care coverage for their gay employees' partners. President Clinton's Administration has used the words "you and your significant other" instead of "you and your spouse" in recognition of gay partners. Many gay couples are also raising children together. Some lesbians have used artificial insemination in order to conceive a child. Other gays and lesbians, who came out after they'd been involved in heterosexual relationships, are raising the children from those relationships with their gay partners. As society's attitudes continue to change, adoption of children by gay couples will also become more common. Six states permit adoption by same-sex couples. And many gays see their friends and the local gay community as their family. In most cities, there is a large and close-knit gay community that offers the same type of love and support we look for from our families .

WILL I LOSE MY STRAIGHT FRIENDS? AND WHERE DO I FIND GAY FRIENDS

THE SHORT ANSWER: To the first question - probably not. And to the second - everywhere. Many teens say they have more straight friends now that they're "out," and that they're a lot happier and more confident since coming out. It's easier to be close to people when you're not hiding anything and when you're comfortable with yourself. Some teens, however, have had horrible experiences coming out at school. Particularly in small towns or rural areas, and where there are a lot of people belonging to fundamentalist religions, discrimination against gays is still strong. And kids can be very cruel, especially when they're unsure of themselves and are looking for ways to build themselves up. They can harass you and make your life miserable. Gay teens have a very high dropout rate because of the way they're treated. Right now, only one state - Massachusetts - has a law that prohibits discrimination in the public schools based on sexual orientation. If you want to come out to friends, be careful to trust only friends who will respect your privacy and confidentiality. Friends who tend to gossip can cause problems, even if they don't mean to hurt you. Some friends will be supportive right away. (Both guys and girls say it's generally easier to come out to girls.) One or two friends might have already guessed that you're gay. You may find that you already have gay friends, and didn't know it. Some friends may need time to adjust to the idea of your being gay. Some may wonder if your coming out to them is a way of coming on to them, and that might make them feel uncomfortable. Some may wonder, since you're a close friend and you're gay, whether they're gay too. Just as you did with your parents, try to think about how each friend is likely to feel, and how you can let them see that you haven't changed. Just as with your parents, offering them some of the books listed in the back of this booklet can help. Talking to gay friends about their coming-out experiences can also help. Finding new friends who are gay is really important - friends who know exactly what you're going through because they've "been there," or are in the process of coming out themselves. Gay youth organizations are a good place to start, because there you won't have to try to figure out whether another teen is gay or not. Most major cities have gay youth organizations where you'll be able to meet people easily. You'll find new friends with whom you can share experiences and support and learn more about yourself. If you're in a small town or in the country, it may be harder to find groups like these. In that case, you can meet people through the pen pal programs and computer bulletin boards listed in the back of this booklet. The organizations in the resources directory can also help you find more specific groups, such as organizations of gay and lesbian African Americans, Arabs, Asians, or Latinos, or support groups for gays and lesbians with disabilities. And remember - even if it seems to you that you must be the only gay person at your school, you aren't. With as much as 10% of the population being gay, there are other gay students at your school whom you might already know but not know that they're gay - or whom you might not yet have met. Gay people joke sometimes about having "gaydar," a type of "radar' for tolling who is and isn't gay. Figuring out who is gay, if they're not completely "out," is like figuring out it someone's interested in you. Sometimes you can tell, sometimes you can't. You'll get better at it with experience

How do i tell my parents i'm gay?

HOW DO I TELL MY PARENTS?

THE SHORT ANSWER: When you're ready, and with care. Many gay teens say that their relationship with their parents was much closer after they came out because it was more honest. They say it was a relief to feel like they weren't keeping a secret any more. PFLAG was founded by parents who wanted to support their gay sons and lesbian daughters - parents who wanted to work with their children for equal rights, and who wanted to welcome their sons' and daughters' lovers into their families. But it doesn't always work that way. Some teens who come out to their parents are forced to leave home. Some parents become abusive. Some family relationships never recover. Before you come out to your parents, there are some things for you to consider. Think about your parents' general reaction to gays. Find out as much as you can, by observing your parents or asking indirect questions. Do they have gay friends? Do they read books or go to movies that include gay relationships? Is their religion accepting of gays? Have you heard them say that there's nothing wrong with being gay? Think about your relationship with your parents. Have they shown that they love you even when they're upset with you? Have they stuck by you even when you've done something they didn't like? Be prepared. If you had to leave home, do you have a place to stay? If your parents cut off financial support, do you have someone else to whom you can turn? If your answer to all of these questions is "no," don't come out to your parents until you have a safe place to go to and a way to support yourself. You'll probably be better off waiting until you're on your own. You might decide never to tell them, because they wouldn't understand. If your answer to all of these questions is "yes," then it's probably safe to tell them. You're the only one who can answer those questions, and weigh the balance of "yesses" and "nos." Trust your gut. It's almost always frightening coming out to your parents, but if you're terrified about it, you should pay attention to that. Not all parents will be accepting. If you decide you can and want to tell your parents, think about how you can make it easiest on them - and on yourself. Try to think about how they're going to feel, and the questions they may have, so that you're ready for them. Call a local PFLAG chapter and speak to a parent who can talk with you about how your own parent might react. It will be easiest to talk with your parents when you're feeling good about yourself. Coming out to your parents will require a lot of strength. If you're feeling confused, that could increase your parents' confusion and give them less confidence in your judgment. It will also be best if you can pick a time when your parents are relaxed and not pressured by work or family worries. Otherwise, they may feel they don't have the time to deal with it, and shut you out. Be prepared for your parents to need some time to accept your being gay - just as you probably needed some time yourself. Remember that your parents are from an older generation - one that was more homophobic than yours. Even if they're accepting of gays in general, your parents may be shocked at learning that you are gay. They may not want to believe it at first, or they may want to try to bring in a psychiatrist to "cure" you. Before the psychological and psychiatric associations concluded that homosexuality is perfectly normal, there were a lot of theories about how people became gay because of how their parents acted. Your parents may worry about what your being gay says about them and about whether they failed you in some way - and that worry can come out as anger and defensiveness. Your parents could also feel that you've rejected them or their way of life by being gay, or that you've somehow ruined their dreams for you. There's often some of this feeling in all relationships between teens and their parents, as the teen becomes more independent and parents have to let go of the image they have of what their son or daughter will be. Parents of gay teens may feel this sense of loss and rejection even more strongly. Even if they don't have those reactions, your parents are probably going to feel worried about you - about whether this will put you in danger, about whether your life will be happy, about whether you'll have a family of your own. That can make them want to ignore or deny what you've told them. They may worry also about how they're going to tell their parents and friends. They'll be starting a coming-out process of their own. The best thing you can do is be ready with answers - or suggest people with whom they can talk. The more homework you've done, and the more self-assured you seem, the more you'll convince your parents that you're ready to take responsibility for yourself. Then they won't worry so much about you. PFLAG can help a lot with that - with suggested books, videos, and information for you and your parents, and by providing contacts with other families who have gay and lesbian children, or counselors who can help your parents work through their feelings. And remember - you don't have to come out to both parents at once. Many teens have talked first to the parent they thought would be more accepting or with whom it was easiest to talk. Recognize, though, that confiding in only one parent may cause hurt and tension between your parents - hurt because the parent who is not told may feel slighted when he or she finds out, and tension because the parent you do talk to will now have the burden of explaining your silence - or of keeping a secret until you are ready to talk to the other parent. Think it through if you plan to tell just one parent Most importantly, make sure that you have other people with whom to talk, because, even when coming out to your parents is relatively easy, it's hard. The more support you have, the better .

Do i need to worry about hiv and aids ? - gay

DO I NEED TO WORRY ABOUT HIV and AIDS?

THE SHORT ANSWER: Everybody has to be informed about HIV and AIDS. Being young doesn't protect you from getting AIDS. A lot of people in their 20s and 30s who are dying from AIDS today became infected when they were teenagers. It's not who you are - gay or straight, male or female, black or white - but what you do that puts you at risk for HIV infection. AIDS is a disease caused by a virus. That virus, named HIV, destroys the body's immune system, making a person susceptible to fatal illnesses or infections. There is no known cure, and there is no vaccine that prevents AIDS. There are three main ways you can become infected with HIV: (1) by having unprotected sex with an infected person; (2) by sharing drug needles or syringes with an infected person; or (3) an infected woman can pass the virus to her baby during pregnancy or birth. Also, you can't judge by appearances whether someone has the HIV virus or not. The virus can be inactive as long as ten years. Someone who appears healthy could still be infected. You can protect yourself, though. Do not share needles or syringes. If you are shooting or using street drugs, seek professional help from a local clinic. The one sure way to avoid HIV infection through sex is not to have sex. And gay or straight, it you are sexually active, learn about "safer sex" to protect yourself. Some safer sex practices include using latex condoms or dental dams to stop the HIV virus. It is not within the scope of this booklet, however, to give a complete overview of HIV/AIDS and safer sex. For more information, contact one of the organizations or AIDS hotlines in the resources list .

Is it normal to be gay

IS IT NORMAL TO BE GAY?

THE SHORT ANSWER: Yes. Being gay is as natural, normal, and healthy as being straight. No one knows exactly how human sexual orientation - gay or straight - is determined. Most experts think it's a matter of genetics, biology, and environment - that a person's sexual orientation could be set before birth or as early as two or three years old. Dr. Richard Pillard, a psychiatrist at Boston University School of Medicine, points out that homosexuality exists "in virtually every animal species that has been exhaustively studied." Homosexuality is as much a part of nature as heterosexuality. Not only is it as natural, it's as healthy to be gay as to be straight - no matter what some people might tell you. The American Psychiatric Association declared in 1973 that homosexuality is not a mental disorder or disease, and the American Psychological Association says that it would be unethical to try to change a gay person's sexual orientation. Many other people besides scientists, psychologists, and psychiatrists now understand that, too, Ann Landers, the advice columnist, recently wrote: "It never ceases to amaze me that in this day and age, so many people fail to understand that homosexuality is not a lifestyle that is chosen. That 'choice' was made at birth." So if you're wondering why you're gay, the answer is that some people are gay and some people are straight just as some people have blue eyes and some people have brown eyes. It's not something that anybody can choose to be or not to be. It's just one more piece of who you are