WILL I LOSE MY STRAIGHT FRIENDS? AND WHERE DO I FIND GAY FRIENDS

THE SHORT ANSWER: To the first question - probably not. And to the second - everywhere. Many teens say they have more straight friends now that they're "out," and that they're a lot happier and more confident since coming out. It's easier to be close to people when you're not hiding anything and when you're comfortable with yourself. Some teens, however, have had horrible experiences coming out at school. Particularly in small towns or rural areas, and where there are a lot of people belonging to fundamentalist religions, discrimination against gays is still strong. And kids can be very cruel, especially when they're unsure of themselves and are looking for ways to build themselves up. They can harass you and make your life miserable. Gay teens have a very high dropout rate because of the way they're treated. Right now, only one state - Massachusetts - has a law that prohibits discrimination in the public schools based on sexual orientation. If you want to come out to friends, be careful to trust only friends who will respect your privacy and confidentiality. Friends who tend to gossip can cause problems, even if they don't mean to hurt you. Some friends will be supportive right away. (Both guys and girls say it's generally easier to come out to girls.) One or two friends might have already guessed that you're gay. You may find that you already have gay friends, and didn't know it. Some friends may need time to adjust to the idea of your being gay. Some may wonder if your coming out to them is a way of coming on to them, and that might make them feel uncomfortable. Some may wonder, since you're a close friend and you're gay, whether they're gay too. Just as you did with your parents, try to think about how each friend is likely to feel, and how you can let them see that you haven't changed. Just as with your parents, offering them some of the books listed in the back of this booklet can help. Talking to gay friends about their coming-out experiences can also help. Finding new friends who are gay is really important - friends who know exactly what you're going through because they've "been there," or are in the process of coming out themselves. Gay youth organizations are a good place to start, because there you won't have to try to figure out whether another teen is gay or not. Most major cities have gay youth organizations where you'll be able to meet people easily. You'll find new friends with whom you can share experiences and support and learn more about yourself. If you're in a small town or in the country, it may be harder to find groups like these. In that case, you can meet people through the pen pal programs and computer bulletin boards listed in the back of this booklet. The organizations in the resources directory can also help you find more specific groups, such as organizations of gay and lesbian African Americans, Arabs, Asians, or Latinos, or support groups for gays and lesbians with disabilities. And remember - even if it seems to you that you must be the only gay person at your school, you aren't. With as much as 10% of the population being gay, there are other gay students at your school whom you might already know but not know that they're gay - or whom you might not yet have met. Gay people joke sometimes about having "gaydar," a type of "radar' for tolling who is and isn't gay. Figuring out who is gay, if they're not completely "out," is like figuring out it someone's interested in you. Sometimes you can tell, sometimes you can't. You'll get better at it with experience